Hogwarts Mind Melt
by DayaLuna
Summary: total crack, not anywhere in particular in either timeline. AU. Break/just-about-anyone implied
1. How it started

**AN: heyy this is another random crack! Story that me and my friend came up with while on holiday**

**Warning: implications of sex, slash and otherwise. Not got a beta if anyone volunteers your help would be appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned do you really think I would be writing fanfiction.**

Chapter 1 – how it started

It was late afternoon at number 12 grimwald place and Sirius was out of his mind with boredom, for Dumbledore had once again banned him from leaving the house – he wasn't even allowed out in his animagus form!

The boredom was to such a degree that he had cleaned all the rooms on the third floor, preferring to play 'whack-a-doxy' with his shoe than do the de-doxying 'properly' as Molly Weasley had told him to. He had also read the past thirteen Daily Prophet's cover-to-cover and completed (correctly) each of the puzzles.

"Urgh!" Sirius moaned, proceeding to bang his forehead on the kitchen table.

"A little bored are we?" Break asked coming into the kitchen.

"No of course not, I just enjoy whacking my head on the table," Sirius answered sarcastically.

"Oh then I'll go out and leave you to it," Break said with a smile,

"NO!" Sirius yelled, springing up and grabbing Break's arm, "take me with you! Please I'm begging you!"

Break chuckled, "Dumblewit said 'no' if I recall," he paused and thought for a moment, before smirking wickedly, "Hey Sirius how about a deal?" and whispered his latest evil thought into Sirius' ear, the younger man mimicked Break's smirk.

"Have I ever told you you're amazing – because you are."

Break snickered in reply, "I'll be back around half ten – sound good?" Sirius nodded, his mood considerably brightened.

* * *

><p>"You're looking happier Sirius," Harry noted later, wondering if it had anything to do with Break's absence. "Break said he'd bring me back firewiskey," Sirius answered with a grin.<p>

"Taking his time isn't he?" Remus commented.

"He also said he'd come back late so you'd all be asleep – less chance of disturbing anyone."

Mrs Weasley, who had been half-glaring at Sirius, seemed to accept that the two were being somewhat responsible and trusted the two.

* * *

><p>"And who might you be?" Sirius asked with a smile as Break came into the kitchen with a pale-skinned (and <span>very<span> busty) blond.

"This is our 'lady of the night' Miss Victoria. Miss Victoria, this is Sirius the other man who requires your services this evening."

'Miss Victoria' just nodded, "shall we get started then boys? Time's a wasting."

Sirius grinned, a unique hunger in his eyes "straight to the point – you have good taste my friend."

"Not bad around the chest area either," Break added, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Sirius laughed as he began unbuttoning his shirt.

* * *

><p>Harry shot up in his bed panting, brow drenched in sweat, flashes from his vision playing back "always the same corridor," he mumbled rising to go get a drink from the kitchen, he paused for a moment, certain he'd heard a noise – a moan?<p>

'That sounded like Sirius... he probably had too much to drink and whacked himself on something,' Harry rationalised in his head pushing the door ajar before freezing. Harry could swear he saw clothes strewn on the floor, but that wasn't the worst of it, for another moan - Break's this time – had caused Harry's gaze to move to the kitchen table, where Harry could see something moving – a something that looked a lot like his godfather making thrusting actions to a pale person of a very similar build to Break.

The colour draining from his face, Harry quickly forgot about the drink and ran back up stairs, the mental images replaying vividly as he went.

He was in such a hurry that Harry didn't realise which room he had entered.

"Eh?" Fred said with a yawn as the door to his and George's room slammed.

"Harry?" George asked recognising the teen. "What's up?"

Harry stared at the twins with wide scared eyes, "S-Sirius... kitchen... n-n-noises... Break... ahh!" the teen wouldn't say anything more as he sunk to the floor and began rocking in the foetal position.

"Fred?" George questioned slightly worried.

His twin nodded, "let's take a look."

Quietly the two twins made their way to the kitchen door, which was still ajar.

Carefully poking their heads in, they were greeted by pale, manicured hands clawing at the back of a black haired man with tattoos. The dark haired man groaned deeply, arching his back, his sweat glittering slightly in the moonlight.

The twins quickly proceeded to close the door and went back to their room where they quickly joined Harry.

"S-Scratched... sweat..." Fred started,

"So much skin..." George whined,

"S-Sirius and... B-B-Break," the three cried, rocking back and forth, the torrent of images promising little sleep.

* * *

><p>Eventually, the three had managed to sleep and looked okay the next morning, until Sirius and Break entered the kitchen, accomplished grins on their faces.<p>

The images flooded back and the three teens took one look at the adults and the kitchen table before blanching and fleeing the kitchen. Remus looked at his friend and Break for a long moment before saying "dirty buggers."

The two just feigned innocence and helped themselves to Molly's cooking.

* * *

><p>Elsewhere at Malfoy Manor a distressed Kreature was retelling everything he had seen to Draco, who would dismiss the elf and think nothing more of the event until January, where he found a certain albino pressing Rufus Barma against the Herbology greenhouses.<p>

The two Pandora agents went inside, before coming out almost an hour later looking ruffled and sweaty.

The poor boys would never look at the deranged Hatter the same way again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN1: For those of you wondering – Break tripped and fell against Barma, who took him into the Herbology classroom because he sprained his ankle – the Venomous Tentacula in the room wasn't happy about being disturbed and attacked – hence their appearance.<strong>

**AN2: whoever sees the Hellsing reference gets a virtual cookie! Yay cookies.**


	2. Snape

Chapter 2 – Snape

Snape watched his class with a sneer as they hurried to produce the potion he had requested, pausing when his 'Break detector'(he had cast 'Homenum Revelium' on each of his cupboards in an attempt to catch Break out) went off, indicating the mad man was in his store cupboard, again.

Rising swiftly, Snape opened the cupboard door only to find Break in an awkward position upon one of the shelves.

"Bloody Umbridge, so demanding," Break hissed under his breath, "will she ever leave me alone!" he mumbled exasperated as he struggled to correct his position without falling.

Needless to say he was unsuccessful as before Snape could voice his retort, Break tumbled from the shelf and into the Potions Master, knocking them both to the ground, with Break on top straddling the younger man, their faces less than an inch apart.

Harry starred for a moment, along with the rest of his class – but instead of jibing like a few other students were ('kinky' and 'didn't know you bent that way sir' being amongst the more polite ones), Harry's mind floated back to that horrible ordeal in Grimwald Place and Harry could only whimper, clutching his head and mumble, "Not again... not here... not him... why me... why?"

Across the classroom a similar scene was unfolding at the front where a distressed Draco Malfoy sat, eyes wide as he stared at the two males on the floor, "Oh... god... he... and... S-Snape... wait... oh god oh god he mentioned Umbridge too... ah... ah... ah... no... no please no!"

The two teens slumped in their chairs rocking slightly, neither able to convey the horrible scenes that were forming in their heads.

Snape pushed the eccentric man off him, mumbling a curse before giving the various students who had called out detention and taken a large number of points from both houses, though due to favouritism, Gryffindor lost more.

Break chucked at the scene and said a quick apology before leaving through the classroom door.

* * *

><p><strong>well it looks like no one cares about this fic so i'll upload the chapters I have already and leave it as that unless I get some reviews or faves or even an alert. Please r and r see you next chapter.<strong>


	3. Flitwick

Chapter 3 - Flitwick

Not long after the incident in the dungeons another took place in a Charms classroom.

"Missed you the other day Filius," Break said once he was able to talk to Professor Flitwick as all the seventh years focused in their charm work.

"Yes sorry about that Xerxes, I had another matter to attend to – poor Miss Lovegood has had a number of her possessions taken," the short professor explained, "We found a good number of them though and the ones who took them have been given detention. So all in all a good night."

Break nodded, "Shame we couldn't meet up though. Perhaps tonight?" Break asked.

"Yes that should be fine – I'll bring the equipment shall I?" Flitwick asked.

Break nodded, "Best do, I'm a little unsure about some of them, wouldn't want to get it caught again."

Flitwick chuckled as Break flashed a cheeky smile, both men oblivious to the Weasley twins who were paling slightly.

"You don't think?"

"I-I dunno. Maybe."

"Can't be."

"Yeah, 'course."

"But it could."

"No... no... can't. Can it?"

The two twins moaned as the thought of Break and Flitwick doing _it_ flashed into their heads.

Once the bell rang, the Weasley's were the first to dash out of the room, leaving Lee Jordan to stare after them in confusion before picking up the few things they left and following.

* * *

><p>Flitwick was actually teaching Break Gobstones – 'it' referred to one of the stones munching on his finger.<p> 


End file.
